What Is Scissoring? 12 Things to Know About the Scissor Sex Position

19 min readMar 26, 2021

What do your junk drawer and bedroom have in common? Scissors. Well, one should have scissors you use to cut (✂️), and the other should have the scissoring sex position you use for pleasure (✂️ ✂️ 😈).

While you might equate scissoring with vulva-on-vulva action, it’s actually a far more expansive and inclusive sex position than mainstream porn (sigh) might have you believe. “Scissoring sex is any sex act that involves genital-on-genital rubbing or grinding,” explains body-positive pleasure expert Carly S., founder of Dildo or Dildon’t.

The position earned its name because it most commonly entails two people spreading their legs, “like two pairs of open scissors, and then meeting at the middle,” according to Sarah Sloane, a sex educator and coach at Good Vibrations and Pleasure Chest. It can be accomplished by both partners lying on their back or sides, or with one partner straddling the other.

But that’s just the beginning. Read on for everything you need to know about scissoring and how to scissor with any genital combination.

1. Scissoring is not just for lesbians or people with vaginas.
“Historically, scissoring was a sex act that involved two vulva-owners pressing their vulvas against each other,” says Sloane. Key word here: historically! These days, what qualifies as scissoring has expanded to include any genital-on-genital contact, says Carly S.

Thanks to PornHub categories scissoring has a reputation as “The Lesbian Sex Act,” but this is false. “Scissoring is not a lesbian sex act,” agrees Sloane. For one, not everyone who tries or likes scissoring identifies as a lesbian. Sexual orientation, after all, is determined by personal identification, not by which sex acts you prefer. Second, there are many lesbians who do not practice the scissor sex position, and this fact does not make them any less lesbian. (More: An Insider’s Guide to Sleeping with Another Woman)

2. Scissoring can feel really good.
“Vulva owners have a lot of erectile tissue under the labia (including the clitoris), which can be stimulated through external stimulation,” says Sloane. ICYDK, your clit is much more than that little nub at the top of your labia; super sensitive clitoral tissue extends under the labia on either side of your vulva, and so stimulating this entire area (which scissoring certainly does) can absolutely feel amazing and add to your arousal. Fun fact: Many vulva-owners’ clitorises will become engorged and their labia will become heavier and puffier (yes, it’s essentially having a hard-on) during scissoring thanks to all the blood rushing to the entire area and filling up that erectile tissue in response to being turned on, says Sloane.

Another cool thing about scissoring is that your pelvic floor muscles automatically activate when you move your pelvis in a grinding motion against your partner, she says. (Yep, grinding is basically like doing a lot of tiny pelvic tilts in Pilates!). Because orgasms are essentially a series of pelvic floor contractions, she says that you may notice that orgasms come more quickly during this position as a result.

As for penis-owners? “Scissoring allows them to experience the sensation of rubbing their penis against something warm (and sometimes wet) attached to a person they either love or are sharing a sexual experience with,” says Carly S. Inherently, that’s going to feel good, she says. (See: Hot Take: Grinding Is the Most Underrated Sex Act)

3. Lube can make the scissor sex position feel even better.
Even though vaginas naturally produce quite a bit of lubrication during sex, it’s specifically your vagina (that’s the internal canal) that produces the lubricant, and not the vulva (the external part of female genitals). Because your vulva is what’s experiencing most of the friction while scissoring, this can cause chaffing (ouch).

An easy fix: “Adding a bit of store-bought lubricant to the vulva can help increase the sensation, and help the genitals glide more easily against each other,” says Sloane.

4. You can scissor with clothes on.
“Scissoring can be intense with clothing on, too,” says Sloane. “You might have one partner leave their jeans on so the second partner can experience additional friction.” Or you might both keep your clothing on in a dry-humping move.

5. Scissoing is basically a workout.
In terms of energy expenditure and prerequisite strength and stamina, scissoring is right up there with Rider On Top (which you might know as cowgirl). Once you get into the scissoring start position, you’re going to want to move your genitals up and down against each other in order to stimulate your genitals, explains Sloane. This movement calls on your glutes, core, quads, and hamstrings big time.

If you get tired halfway through, ask your partner to switch up who’s doing the most of the work, says Carly S. (Usually the person on top is doing more work than the person on bottom). “You can also switch to a different sex act altogether,” she says. You might, for example, take a breather during spooning sex or mutual masturbation, then return to scissoring once you’re rested up.

6. It’s a good idea to stretch before the scissor sex position.
On that note, just as you wouldn’t jump into a workout without warming up first, you shouldn’t jump into scissoring without warming up first. “Stretching your hips ahead of time may help make the position more comfortable,” says Carly S. Runner lunges, frog stretch, figure 4, and 90/90 stretch will do the trick. (You might also take a hip-opening partner yoga class together.)

Also, H2O plays a key role in helping your muscles function. While a mid-romp cramp is really NBD — just get out of position and shake it off — if you can avoid them with a few gulps, you might as well. (As a bonus, begin well hydrated can increase your ability to self-lubricate.)

7. Your surroundings (and pillows) are your friends while scissoring.
“Don’t be afraid to use your surroundings to help you position your body,” says Carly S. Have a headboard? Hang onto it. Getting down on the couch? Use the couches back or arms for leverage. Bed littered with pillows? Lean on them.

In fact, sex educator Marla Renee Stewart, M.A., sexpert for Lovers adult wellness brand and retailer recommends investing in a positioning pillow like the Liberator Wedge (Buy it, $110, lovehoney.com). “Placing the positioner underneath your butt can help make sure your genitals are more easily-accessible,” she says.

8. You can add a vibrator to the scissor sex position.
Uhh, what sex position isn’t made better by the addition of a vibe?? (Hint: None). “Add some vibrations between both of your bodies for extra sensation,” says Stewart. She recommends incorporating the We-Vibe Chorus (Buy it, $200, lovehoney.com) which is a wearable couples vibrator that allows one partner to experience internal and external stimulation, and the other to experience external stimulation. (See More: Attention Couples of Any Gender Combo, You Need the We-Vibe Chorus)

Another option is a palm vibrator like the Romp Wave (Buy it, $30, amazon.com), Le Wand Point (Buy it, $130, babeland.com), or Dame Pom (Buy it, $100, babeland.com). Ergonomically designed to curve around the vulva, Sloane suggests tucking the buzzing tag-a-long between your bods, “then rocking so you can both experience the sensation.”

9. You can also try an internal toy.
The sex toy possibilities here definitely aren’t limited to vibrators. “Everything in the pelvic region is interconnected, so filling your vagina or anus with a non-vibrating toy like a butt plug or vaginal beads can enhance sensation all over,” says Sloane. She recommends opting for a weighted version of these toys, such as the b-vibe Snug Plug 1 (Buy it, $48, babeland.com) or Lelo Beads Noir Kegel Balls (Buy it, $50, babeland.com) because with every thrust, the weight will shift, stimulating the nerves alongside your inner canal. “It’s a pretty cool sensation,” assures Carly S.

10. Add something squishy to your scissor sex.
Point blank: If you or your partner(s) have a bony or protruding pelvis or hip bones, scissoring can be more “ouch” than “oh!” “One time after scissoring someone, my pelvic region was bruised from all the bone-on-bone grinding,” says Carly S. Pass.

She recommends padding your bodies with something like the Pelle Whim Silicone Grinding Toy (Buy it, $98, feelpelle.com) or the Trojan Tantrix Masturbation Sleeve (Buy it, $6, amazon.com). “You can also cover the head of a wand vibrator with a Tenga Egg (Buy it, $9, babeland.com), which allows you to pad your bodies while enjoying the vibrator.”

11. STI transmission and pregnancy are still possible while scissoring.
“Scissoring is a lower-risk sexual activity, but it’s not a no-risk sexual activity,” says Sloane. Both STIs spread through skin-to-skin contact and STIs spread through bodily fluids can be spread during the position, she says. (See: How to Have Safer Sex Every Time)

If you don’t both know your current STI status, or one or both of you currently has an STI, you can reduce the risk of transmission by using protection, says Sloane. If a penis is involved, that means an internal condom or external condom, while for two vulva-owners that means a dental dam. (Related: Let’s Get Some Things Straight About Dental Dams)

You can also keep your pants or panties on. “[They’re] not fluid-proof but wearing bottoms will certainly reduce the risk,” she says. “Another option is to go for genital-on-hip grinding rather than genital-on-genital grinding.”

Does your spin on scissoring include a penis going in a vagina? If so, pregnancy may be possible. Take the necessary precautions if creating a small human is not an outcome you are prepared for. (Related: How to Find the Best Birth Control for You)

12. Scissoring just might not work for you.
“In my experience and research, many folks aren’t a fan of scissoring,” says Stewart. People with less-exposed, back-facing vulvas — meaning, their vulva is angled more toward the back of the body — in particular, tend not to enjoy the scissor sex position. Blame geometry: The angle makes it trickier to stimulate them from a traditional scissoring sex position. (To better understand the various vulva angles, spend some time perusing The Great Wall Of Vagina.)

Carly S. agrees that scissoring isn’t always possible or comfortable anatomically; mobility, strength, and body shape can also impact whether or not a pleasure-seeker is a fan.

An easy fix: “Adding a bit of store-bought lubricant to the vulva can help increase the sensation, and help the genitals glide more easily against each other,” says Sloane.

Carly S. agrees that scissoring isn’t always possible or comfortable anatomically; mobility, strength, and body shape can also impact whether or not a pleasure-seeker is a fan.

“I’m an advocate for trying things at least three times,” says Stewart. “If after that you still don’t enjoy the position, you may just need to settle that it’s not your thing and that’s perfectly okay. There are plenty of other options, including rubbing your genitals on your partner’s thigh, humping different parts of their body, and so much more.”
For all the talk about how great and fantastic sex is, we sometimes leave out the reality that sex is actually quite complicated. While sex can feel good during the act itself, not enough attention is given to how people feel after sex and the complex emotions that can come with it. As a culture, we love the idea of an after-sex glow — the concept that sex is always fulfilling and can magically cure anything icky feelings. On our screens, we see characters who have just gotten laid as being exhilarated and having an extra pep in their step. We rarely, if ever, see portrayals or talk about the other side that is less, well, happy.

In the kink community, there’s a word for this other side of sex. It’s called sub drop, and it’s basically the result of your mood being taken so high that, when the sex act is over, all you can do is mentally crash.

Nearly 50 percent of women have experienced depression after sex at one point in their life.

GIGI ENGLE, CERTIFIED CLINICAL SEXOLOGIST
“Sub drop refers to coming out of subspace [when a person takes on the role of being submissive in a sexual interaction] — a place where you reach a sort of pinnacle of arousal and are floating in a sense of safety, happiness, and perfect bliss,” says Gigi Engle, ACS, certified clinical sexologist and author of All The F*cking Mistakes: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life. “The drop happens when the play is over and you’re returned to real life. Sub drops happen in a lot of ways, right after the play ends or sometimes the next day or a few days later.”

But submissives aren’t the only ones who experience this drop after an intense sexual interaction — doms can experience something similar known as top drop — and these feelings aren’t strictly tied to the kink community, either. Anyone can experience a post-sex mood decline, and it’s important to know that these feelings are both valid and completely normal. In fact, nearly 50 percent of women have experienced depression after sex at one point in their life, says Engle, and studies show it can affect a signifiant number of men, too.

This phenomenon is more generally known as post-coital dysphoria (PCD), post-coital tristesse, or simply post-sex blues, and can last anywhere from five minutes to a few hours, says sexuality educator and researcher, Ashley Townes, Ph.D. PCD may be experienced as tearfulness, a sense of melancholy or depression, anxiety, agitation, or aggression following sexual intercourse — even if it was loving, satisfying, or enjoyable, according to the International Society for Sexual Medicine.

“Every PCD experience will be unique to the person having it,” says Engle. Here’s why post-sex dysphoria happens, how to know if what you’re dealing with requires help, and how you can cope — whether with a partner or alone.

What Causes Post-Coital Dysphoria, Sub Drop, or Post-Sex Blues
This feeling of melancholy after sex can be linked to the huge drop in the feel-good hormones produced during sex, as well as cultural shame, and feelings about your body, sexuality, and more, says Engle. Such a combination can naturally lead to a downshift in your mood, and sadness and depression can follow.

“When you’re in a heightened state of arousal, your brain and body are flooded with a cocktail of chemicals — adrenaline, dopamine, oxytocin, norepinephrine, serotonin — all the good stuff that makes you feel alert and excited and turned on,” explains Engle. “After orgasm, the peak of the sexual arousal cycle, many people feel relaxed, happy, and at peace, but this isn’t the case for everyone.”

After climaxing, the levels of these feel-good chemicals plummets — leaving you in a comedown that might not feel so hot. For example, levels of dopamine, a neurotransmitter that plays a big part in the feelings of euphoria, surge during orgasm and then quickly dip below their usual baseline, according to a report published by the Emotion, Brain, & Behavior Laboratory in the Department of Psychology at Tufts University. Low dopamine levels are associated with low energy, lack of ambition, social anxiety, and depression, according to the same report.

But the post-sex drop you may experience isn’t purely neurological. As Engle points out, cultural shame around sex can also create negative feelings after an encounter, no matter how good the experience was in the moment. Society has placed “good” sex in a box, and coloring outside the lines, pushing boundaries, or experimenting with something or someone new can cause some people to feel a personal backlash, intensifying an already vulnerable situation. The rollercoaster of feelings that can follow either a sexual experience of any kind can be overwhelming to the point where you overthink everything and question your own reactions and expectations.

“You may laugh, cry, scream, sob — anything and everything is normal because it’s such a profound mind-body connectedness for most people,” says Engle. “And, frankly, we aren’t really used to connection like that in a society that praises emotional unavailability, no work/life balance, and extreme levels of productivity.”

Interestingly, research published in the journal Sexual Medicine shows that there appears to be no link between PCD and intimacy in close relationships, meaning you’re just as likely to experience this after sex with a longtime, trusted partner as you might be to experience it with a one-night stand or someone you don’t have serious feelings for. However, the same study showed that there’s a significant connection between a history of sexual, physical, or emotional abuse and PCD. If you’re regularly experiencing PCD and have a history of or current situation linked to abuse, consider chatting about it with a sex therapist.

How to Deal with PCD or Feeling Down After Sex
The good news is, there are ways to cope. One of the most notable is aftercare, a technique often used in the kink community. It’s essentially a post-sex check-in with your partner to see how they’re feeling and what they’re thinking. It allows you and your partner to reconnect after the high, recap the experience, and acts as a sort of bookend to what was shared.

“Aftercare will look different for people,” says Engle. “Some people may want to cuddle, be caressed, or held. Others may need distance to be with themselves and connect to their minds and bodies. Others may want to simply talk through what happened. Maybe you’d like a combination of all these things or some of them. Aftercare should be baked into your sexual experiences. This goes for all sex, kinky or not. You are two (or more) human beings who deserve to be treated with care and respect.”

Even if it’s a casual hookup, there’s still a place for aftercare. But, as Engle points out, for some, aftercare means distance. If you’ve had a one-night stand and feel the best way for you to connect to your body and mind again is to leave, then that’s what you do.

If your post-coital depression lingers for hours or even a couple of days, know that it’s normal. Depending on the heights you reached, feeling a little off temporarily can be expected. Sitting with your feelings, practicing self-care and self-reflection, and acknowledging your emotions is the best way to get through it. You could consider starting a sex journal, which you can use to reflect on your experiences and feelings about them. There’s nothing wrong with taking time to reflect on something that has deeply affected you; if anything, it’s the healthiest thing you can do

But if you find that you’re experiencing depression after sex on a regular basis and it’s interfering with your desire to engage in it, Engle does suggest reaching out to a sex-positive therapist or coach so they can assess if there could be something deeper happening for you that needs to be unpacked.

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What Is Scissoring? 12 Things to Know About the Scissor Sex Position

Written by Alma Conner